My son is just 16 and because of his violent and disrespectful behaviour I’ve had to make him leave home. I did try to get him into supported accommodation with the aid of the Youth Offending service but he refused to keep any of his appointments; which had been set by the court due to his assault on me and various counts of criminal damage against my property. So basically the housing worker gave up on him. He’s since been back to court for non-compliance and has now been given a 9 month supervision order which he is already not complying with. I feel really bad because I asked him to leave only two days after his 16th birthday. I really couldn’t stand having him here any longer. Since he was 11 he has been really difficult and I have had no help or support at all either from the authorities or from his father despite me banging on every door and pleading for help. He began using cannabis on an occasional basis at the age of 13 – not with my blessing I hasten to add! Just over a year ago he began smoking skunk – supplied by one of his ‘friends’ and his character changed significantly. He became very aggressive and nasty and refused to do anything I asked. He was gaining control and I felt as though my life was not my own. His presence in the house was huge even though he is only a small guy and I felt afraid and intimidated by him. The only way I could see to make someone take notice and to get him some help was to report my son when he assaulted me (quite badly) and when he maliciously damaged my property. I figured that a warning from the police would make him take notice and treat me with some respect. A person can only be called a fat f***ing c**t so many times before it gets to them! Anyway my colleagues and friends are very supportive saying that I’m doing the right thing because he needs to see that I wont take this kind of behaviour from him and that he has to show me respect if he wants to live in my house again. Tough love is the message they are giving me. To be completely honest I feel much better since he’s gone and feel dreadfully guilty because of this. Now I know that when I return home from work; everything is as I left it and nothing has been stolen (except that is for last week when he broke into the house and stole a mobile phone). I have managed to find the motivation to try to repair some of the damage he has done to my house and property; before he went I oculdn’t summon up any energy to do anything at all. His ‘friends’ on the other hand are swearing at me whenever they see me in the street and saying things like “what sort of mother are you to kick out your son and have him sleeping rough?” They are verbally abusing me and saying that I’m forcing them to feed and clothe him. My son knows that if he engages with the workers at Youth Offending they will find him accommodation and sort out benefits for him so that he has money. There is no need for his ‘friends’ to have to take care of him. All of the help that we’ve been needing is there now but he won’t engage with any of it. I’m so torn because I love my son so much but I can’t see him destroying his life and I know that he’s going to keep on doing what he’s doing until he breaks free from the negative peer group he is in. I see he has lost so much weight and looks tired and troubled but I can’t have him here because my life would be a misery again. My health is poor and my doctor told me that the conditions I am suffering from may well have been brought on by the constant stress and strain I have been under for years. If I were married to a man who treated me like he does I’d get a divorce so why is it so wrong to refuse to have him in my home just because he’s my son? In my opinion he’s hurting so much because his Dad abandoned him (not just once but repeatedly) and he has deep emotional issues which he needs to talk to someone about. He has been offered anger management and counselling but he will not attend any appointments at all. He is now going to have to go back to court for further sentencing so I don’t know what will happen to him. I just wish someone could get through to him and make him see how he is ruining his life with the dreaded skunk and the horrible friends he has. How on earth do I get through this and stop the guilt? Sue Bailey

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